Cloud Computing

or,

Dude, Do you have two minutes?

Bhavin Patel

There are some things better left alone. Any attention you draw to them only makes matters worse: this column, for example. Despite my best efforts to highlight the fact that hardly anyone reads this column, a few kind souls continue to respond to Leading Authority; the last column engendered two - yes, two! - emails! Can you believe that? Two people wrote to me telling me the column was ‘nice.’

This time, to give them some company, I tried a dirty tactic: I called a few people I know in the legal industry, and asked them a simple question. They were given no time to think about the answer: they had to tell me what came to mind immediately. When they asked me whether they were correct, I told them they would find out in the next issue of The Rainmaker, in Leading Authority. This way, I know that at least five people will read my column. Yippee!

The typical conversation proceeded thuswise:

Leading Authority : ‘Dude, do you have two minutes?’

Unsuspecting Young Lawyer : ‘Uh... ok. What’s up?

LA : ‘Ok. I’m going to ask you a simple question, ok? And you have to answer with whatever comes to mind immediately. No thinking time, ok?’

UYL : ‘Will this get me arrested?’

LA : ‘Only in certain jurisdictions, and only when the phase of the moon is gibbous.’

UYL : ‘Ok, whatever. What’s the question?’

LA : ‘What is cloud computing?’

UYL : ‘What?!!’

LA : ‘CLOUD. Cloud computing. Now stop trying to buy time. Answer!’

The answers I got are:

I have a-no clue! - Senior Associate

I have no idea. - Senior Associate, top law firm

I don’t know. - Founding / Managing Partner, law firm

Uh-huh! Computing by the gods! - Vice President, legal services company

What is what? C-L-O-U-D? It must be like, coming up with something like at a very macro level. - Senior Associate, law firm

It’s computing where all the data is on servers, it’s not on, like, hard drives . - Sic Transit

I have no idea . - Mumbai Central

 I love you. ( I swear, this actually happened.) It looks like something they do after cloudseeding or whatever. - Associate who wishes to be called ‘Sita’ for the purposes of this article

Something like that cloudseeding shit. And then they exchange it for some credits or something. I’ve been meaning to read up on it for some time. - Partner, top law firm

It took a while for me to finish rolling on the floor laughing at that last one. Once I got up and wiped the tears of hilarity away, I realised that I didn’t know much about this new love-child of the affair between the Internet and software manufacturers either, so I sneaked off to Wikipedia to read up about it.

Nine conversations on the phone and fifteen minutes on the Internet! This is probably the most extensive research into cloud computing conducted in the history of the Indian legal industry - think about that - Leading Authority is now pushing the frontiers of legal research!

I feel it is now incumbent upon me to share the fruits of my research with all you who do not know what cloud computing is. This is because cloud computing may well be the manner in which all the services you use your computer for are provided in the near future; it may be the system you use for work, play, and to entertain yourself; more critically, you never know when I might call and ask you silly questions over the phone.

Suppose I need a software application for my law firm. This software is called Let the Client Worry About It! (“LTCWAI”), and is a critical new tool for any law firm. It allows you to bill expenses to clients that may be unrelated, but debatably vital to the client’s matter; it prompts you to avoid any critical legal debate by responding with a shrug and a ‘That’s a business decision.’; and it allows you, through a patented process called AICETITCFAOTTMOTSTU (An-Incredibly-Complex-Equation-That-Is-Too-Complex-For-Anyone-Other-Than-The-Makers-Of-The-Software-To-Understand), to bill firm developmental time, such as training, to the client.

It’s incredible! LTCWAI could transform the fortunes of your law firm, and you eagerly buy licenses for all the associates, senior associates, principal associates, associate associates, and assorted associates in your firm! The software is installed on your firm’s servers, and everything is going just great - but a few weeks later, you start running into problems!

Let’s say you bought a hundred licenses, and paid a bomb to have LTCWAI installed on your firm’s software. Then, this happened:

• Some associates left; some others are on leave; one has developed a fear of elevators, and keeps turning around to go back home from the lobby of your office building everyday. You, however have already had to pay for their licenses to use the software. Boo-hoo.

• Your systems administrator decided to apply to be a part of Rakhi ka Swayamvar when he should have been running maintenance on your server; as a result, the server crashed, and LTCWAI developed bugs, preventing you from scalping your clients in a complete and effective manner.

• Your practice expands to newer areas of law, and your systems administrator is now a participant on Nach Baliye 4; as a result, nobody knows how to modify LTCWAI for the new practice areas.

• The new systems administrator’s pet rat ate the cables connecting the thingammajiggy in the server to the you-know-what in the inverter / UPS / hastily assembled rack of car batteries. Data died. Law firm cried. Inky-pinky-ponky.

Not a very happy scene, is it?

Now, imagine that you could rent LTCWAI instead of having to buy it. In such a situation:

• The software would not have to be installed on your servers or your machines; instead, it would be run off the software provider’s servers.

• You and your associates would access the software over the Internet, using the web browser (Mozilla Firefox, Internet Explorer, Safari, etc.) on your computer. This means you don’t need expensive machines with extreme processing capabilities - simpler models, with lower processing speeds will do, since all the muscle-work is being done on the software providers’ servers anyway. This still does not mean you can buy a Netbook, ok?

• Any developments and modifications required would be made for you by the software provider (who may charge an additional fee for this.) As you enter newer practice areas, and your needs develop, the software (hopefully) develops as well.

• You only pay for the amount you use - no bulk fees, no fees for licenses that you are not using.

• You can access the software from anywhere you like - for example, you could quickly check on billings as you wait for your monthly prescription at the asylum. Even the associate who has a fear of elevators can now be turned into a productive resource, accessing the software from the comfort of the building lobby, or the nearest day-care centre, as desired.

This is an example of what is called Software as a Service, or SaaS, among the knowing. SaaS, as we know, is not to be confused with BahU, which is an application specially developed to detonate any television that plays an Ekta Kapoor show.

Extending the same basic principle behind SaaS, you could even have an entire platform of services made available on the Internet. This, predictably, is called Platform as a Service, or PaaS. Since you think that I will crack another sidey joke involving acronyms at this stage, I have decided to outwit you by pointing out this comic to you instead.

If you haven’t already guessed by now, the ‘Cloud’ in cloud computing indicates that you can access software and services over the Internet. It does not, regardless of what the law firm partner quoted above thinks, involve cloudseeding at any level. Also, it has no relation whatsoever to Sita’s love for me.

And if you don’t believe my explanation of cloud computing, you can hear a really nerdy guy talking about it here. Or you can see what Cloud Computing looks like in Plain English here.

SalesForce, Zoho, Amazon (EC2), Google (see Google Docs, for example), and Microsoft (Azure) are all big players in this space. Microsoft has started making big-big eyes at India recently with its Business Productivity Online Suite.

Now that everything is hunky dory, you spend the oodles of spare time that you have staring out of your window at passing cumulonimbus, an expensive cigar perched casually in your hand, pinky out-thrust. You then realise that there are still a few issues that gnaw away at your peace of mind:

“I now have SaaS at work. The one at home was bad enough, but now with this new one, I’m worried about security. What if the software provider’s server crashes, or worse, is hacked by the evil competitor across the road? Hehn?!! Is Cloud Computing safe?”

At about this time, I am walking down the pavement underneath aforesaid window. As a little piece of cigar ash comes floating down and falls into my eye, I look up at you and yell:

“Safer than what, exactly?”

Having dismissed me as a lunatic, you then realise that any SaaS / PaaS / (Insert any other alphabet here)-aaS provider worth its salt will put in very tough security standards indeed - without that in place, nobody would come to them! And please, please, look me in the eye, and tell me with a straight face that your new systems admin has better security implementation skills than a Google. Do it. Do it. Hah!

Here’s one thing, though, which a lot of people don’t realise. With all the convenience that Cloud Computing brings, there’s still a few rough edges in a country like ours, where access to the Internet is neither ubiquitous, nor cheap. If all your stuff is online, then you had better make sure you can access it whenever you want, and that you boost your telecommunications budget by a bit.

There’s tons more to talk about on Cloud Computing, but I don’t know too much more about it, and I suspect you’re quite bored of this column by now.

Until later, therefore:

• Consider the cloud. Not the one outside your window, smarty pants!
• Tell your SaaS you love her.
• Be afraid. Be very afraid. I may call you very soon.

Feel free to contact me at bhavin@rainmaker.co.in or follow me on Twitter - I’m @beepso (I don’t know where I’m going, but follow me nonetheless, ok?)