PRE-SIR

[Certified SFW]

[I swear, on the pain of death, that this piece will not contain any bladder related gags]

There is a lot of pressure in the life of a young advocate. There is pressure of being an advocate. There is the added pressure of being a young advocate. There is the pressure of being a recent graduate. There is the pressure of being a citizen of our Great Republic . There is the pressure of being a young citizen of our Great Republic . There is the pressure of meeting new people everyday. There is the pressure of listening to their stories with a view to be able to provide solutions. There is the pressure of working late. There is the pressure of making it to court on time. There is the pressure of reading articles like this during the course of your busy work day.

There is the pressure of not turning into a homicidal-next-day-page 4-byline while driving through traffic. There is the pressure of reading old library books where the cases relevant to your research have been systematically ripped out by some kind heart and bound in a special book that is titled ‘All The Relevant Cases/Pages Ever’ by ‘Kind Heart’. There is the pressure that the special book is not on the rack.

There is the pressure of the ... Cell Phone. There is the pressure of mysterious missed calls and the inexplicable pressure of calls that are yet to be missed.

 There is the pressure exerted by appearing before a judge whose only desire appears to be to ask that one question that you are sure will not be asked and hence you do not have a clue regarding said question. There is the pressure exerted by the opposite side, who in order to relieve herself of the similar pressure of that one judicially directed query to her, joins forces with the judge to discover the Right Question For You!! There is the pressure of trying to follow convoluted sentences with many clauses and cleverly misdirecting pronunciation marks.

There is the pressure of being poor, while being repeatedly reminded that this is not poverty!! Of course this is not poverty. This is the Struggle Period. [Cue music and pressure like sounds, like a swirling sink, or the sound of your bank account dwindling to That Letter (Dear Mr. Transit, We regret to inform you that you are POOR, you POOR A*& PIECE OF &#@$!!! You have NO MONEY!!! Regards etc., Banker), whichever is louder]. There is the mild pressure of keeping track of the parantheses in the previous line.

However, this poverty pressure deserves some more analysis, which means I feel I can pinch in a few more cheap money pressure gags in here. Helps the word count. Eases the pressure.

Young advocates are constantly reminded that they will one day, not far from now, wallow like pigs in money.

 

Questions begged = 2.

 

Question 1. When and how will this magical transformation take place?

Question 2. Where can I see suchlike pigs?

 

Therefore, not only is there pressure of remaining poor and destitute, there is the added pressure of living up to everyone else’s tightly held belief that some day, this lawyer who is still wondering whether she can drive off without paying the parking attendant in her beat up little Santro, will be [Insert favourite ‘When I’m Rich’ fantasy here]. There is of course one slight problem with this added pressure. There is the second added pressure to compound the first added pressure, since statistically, it is a fact that there cannot be 5000 lawyers who are all rich and [Insert favourite ‘When I’m Rich’ fantasy here]. There are some that will not be as rich. There are some who will long for the good old days of being equitably poor with young lawyers. There are some who will leave the profession and become wildly successful piranha hunters. There are some who will decide that [Insert favourite ‘When I’m Rich’ fantasy here] is not worth it, and then write a book and will [Insert favourite ‘When I’m Rich’ fantasy here] nonetheless.

There really is pressure from trying to make it to court on time. Which is compounded by the pressure of waking up on time, because one has spent the previous night catching the late night show, since during the day and the evening, one is gamely tugging at the chain that runs through one’s nose and is attached to a copper ring that is riveted to the bottom of the steel table where one works. Sigh. 

There is the pressure of the mewling interns. Aargh. Refer to earlier articles [Shameless Plug] regarding said pressure inducers.

There is pressure to give correct advice. There is pressure not to give wrong advice, which is not the same as giving correct advice. There is the pressure to try and always remember the latter half of the previous sentence. There is pressure to remain grammatically correct and politically incorrect.

There is of course, peer pressure. Pressure from colleagues. Pressure from school friends who think that you really don’t do any real work, just run around shooting your mouth off and [Insert favourite ‘When I’m Rich’ fantasy here]. Which is NOT true. Pressure from college friends who are [Insert favourite ‘When I’m Rich’ fantasy here] and think that some day you will too.

This particular Young Advocate also has unnecessary pressure from the Editor. Who is a peculiar sort of creature and who despite pressure from many stake holders, still looks a little pudgy around the edges. There is also the pressure of setting up an incomplete list of things that cause pressure. 

However, there is the omnipresent pressure of looking like one is not under pressure. Which really sucks.

The point of this particular rant is not to elicit sympathy for the many pressures faced by Young Advocates. Or to even educate the General Masses about the same. It is not really a rant. It is a tame, tail-between-the-legs surrender document.

There is something that breaks the back of the proverbial camel. Or the proverbial back of the camel. The pressure from spot-answering questions surreptitiously asked by alleged tech weenies. I give up.

 World, you wins.